Pause and Rewind
by Mr. Fishy
Summary: Reviewing aspects of Paper Cuts from other perspectives


**Author's Note: **This idea came to me while driving down my favorite road- a long straight road that plows on for miles with nothing but trees lining the sides. Since the next chapter of _Paper Cuts_ is giving me trouble I thought I would back track a little. I'm also doing something I rarely do- _**taking requests**_. If there are any sections/chapters/conversations/past events of _Paper Cuts_ that you would like written from another character's perspective (such as Oliver, Miley, Sarah, Adrianna, Lauren and so on…) then tell me and I'll write it, but you need to be _very_ specific. If no one is interested in this then I'll just write up a few ideas I have and leave it alone. I'm just trying something new…

The idea for this piece came from the very last line; I had it sitting in my head for three days- it was getting dusty so I thought I'd start off with this one.

**XxXxXxX**

This is the third time I've brushed my teeth in the last twenty minutes- I believe something is wrong with that.

I spit my blue toothpaste into the sink and rinse my mouth out. I bare my teeth to the freshly polished mirror (I clean when I'm nervous) and inspect my mouth once again- white as it was before. I sigh and cap my toothpaste bottle and wait for a moment, lingering by the cream sink counter, I tap my fingers slowly.

I'm going to lose my virginity tonight- it is mind boggling.

I wonder if everyone is this nervous before their first time. It would make perfect sense, to fear the unexplored, to be paranoid that you can't… _perform_ under the pressure. I wonder if Lilly is going to change her mind. I wonder if she'll take one look at me naked and laugh, God that would traumatize me for life.

But she said it's what she wanted, she told me and at this point I do mostly whatever she wants, Lilly is never one to argue with or so I've learned.

I fix my hair and smooth out my blue collared shirt. I feel ready.

I check my black pants pocket for my keys and the condom Lilly and I bought together yesterday- that was an event not to be remembered involving an all too eager Lilly who insisted on reading all the various labels out loud and then proceeding to question the check-out woman on the efficiency of the condoms.

I wave goodbye to my mother as she works on her crossword puzzle- my parents believe that Lilly and I are headed to the theater in Nashville to see _The Color Purple_, which would be very entertaining but a choice between that and sex with Lilly, it's no contest.

Its five minutes from Lilly's parent's lake house that I have my second panic attack. My heart leaps into my mouth and I can't breathe. I pull over on the side of the road and inhale a few times and watch the snow fall. I keep second guessing myself; I keep dreading the effect of this evening. I couldn't handle us never being close again; I couldn't bear loosing her as my best friend. What if this changes us?

I knock on the small lake house door and wait, hands retreating deep into my warm pockets. The snow is falling harder now and I can see the frozen lake out of the corner of my eye. It's a rather beautiful night, the gray sky and white snow- all falling, all colliding into one messy blur of white- innocence, oh the irony.

Lilly answers the door wearing a pretty red blouse with a touch of make-up. Her lipstick red lips form a smile.

"Hey there, handsome fella," She laughs leaning against the doorframe, arms wrapped around her shoulders.

"Hey," I whisper, suddenly embarrassed and completely turned on- she has no idea what curling her long blond hair does to me.

"Get in before you freeze to death," She commands and I oblige without thinking, "Take off your coat and meet me in the kitchen."

I shed my black jacket and throw it over one of the armchairs, then I jog into the small kitchen area where Lilly is waiting holding two wineglasses filled with pink liquid. She hands me a glass and grins mischievously, "To virginity!" She cheers, clinking her glass to mine letting the crystal clear sound ring out loud and I enjoy it as I drink.

I finish my wine and place the glass down on the counter, I watch Lilly pour herself another glass then douse it down quickly, almost like a shot. She lets out a satisfied _ahhh_ and then there is silence.

"Are you okay?"

I'm surprised by her question because the wine left a relaxed ease to my previous frantic mind, I thought I appeared cool as a cucumber.

"Sure, Lilly, I'm okay."

She grins, "Good, I didn't want you backing out."

I roll my eyes, "Please, Lilly, I'm a guy, sex is all I want."

Lilly shakes her head, "But you're Oliver, you exceed every stereotype, you are the evolved man, the good kind, the kind of man girls kill for and adore. I'm lucky. Now please remove your pants."

We share a laugh, and then I watch her place our glasses into the metal sink and then without speaking she leads me to the bedroom.

It is dark, with a small line of light peering out from the closed curtains. I'm glad it's dark. Lilly runs her hands down my shoulders, arms, and holds my hands gently. We stare at each other and I want to say something profound, something beautiful and meaningful to describe how perfect she looks and how happy I' am that she has chosen me to share this once in a lifetime event with. Not coming up with anything I lean in and touch my lips to hers she responds and I lick the wine taste off her teeth…

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! We are in bed, naked, and I can't figure out how to put on a_ fucking_ condom! Lilly is sweet, lying quietly, but smirking none the less.

"It's _not_ funny," I grunt, thrashing around underneath the cool sheets, "I've never… never done this."

She giggles louder.

I feel sick to my stomach.

"Aha!" I proclaim happily, "I'm good."

"Well gosh, Oliver, I'm just not in the mood anymore," Lilly teases then kisses my cheek, "You are utterly ridiculous."

"So I hear," I say smiling, nuzzling her face with mine.

This is different… not bad, just different… I've settled myself on top of her, Lilly struggles with my position, adjusting herself to my weight which I'm trying to balance with my elbows- it's rather uncomfortable. I see anxiety swell up inside her eyes.

"Lilly," I say softly, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," She breathes out hastily, "Yes, just… just… yes." Her decision is made with a firm nod of her head and so it begins.

Tight, very tight- a small place and I feel that I do not belong- all I think of is tight. I move very slowly, Lilly breathes out short and quick, short and quick over and over. I kiss her collarbone and apologize ("I'm sorry, so sorry, Lilly,") I pull away, not entirely, just my face so I can watch hers. I keep moving, pushing myself deeper… deeper inside. And then, a single tear cascades down the side of Lilly's face, just one and it's over, it's done and we separate.

**XxXxXxX**

**Author's Note: **Leave your thoughts or requests.


End file.
